It’s so crazy how often you encounter Midlife Crisis and don’t even know it!

It’s kind of crazy how often mlc comes up. It’s like once you know what it is, it’s everywhere. I happened to say flippantly to a service technician the other day at my house when asked about the whereabouts of my husband, “Oh he’s off having a midlife crisis.” It’s not how I feel but saying it that way usually keeps me from explaining too much. People just can’t believe I live in a big house by myself. But this person seemed really curious and asked. I explained that mlc isn’t what people think - cars and affairs. I told him my husband was going through something terrible and I knew that he didn’t do this on purpose. I just felt like he had lost his purpose and passion. He made it to the top of his career, made lots of money, but that it didn’t bring him the happiness he thought it would. I really think my husband’s work was his passion until he switched jobs and then it wasn’t fun anymore.

This service tech mentioned he was divorced and the more he talked, the more I knew he had gone through midlife crisis or was still going through one. It’s funny how he could let it all out with me - a total stranger. A similar story happened to me on a flight a few months ago as well. But I guess I felt safe and I wasn’t judging him - at all. We talked about the pressure of responsibility - being the sole income provider. This is a very common theme with mlc. I told him I know I didn’t appreciate my husband enough or thank him enough for all that he provided for us. I took it for granted. The service tech said that he felt like communication with his spouse was a huge issue. He couldn’t share all his feelings about the pressure of everything with her. It was kind of eye opening as I’m sure my husband had the same feelings. I’m sure he was resentful at times because he was the sole income provider while I was off working on my business which was my passion but didn’t bring in much money at the time. -but my husband couldn’t tell me that. I wish he would have said, “Please go get a job that pays money,” if that’s how he really felt instead of letting resentment build.

But men aren’t supposed to share their “feelings.” This is ingrained in them from early on. Boys don’t cry. Anger is ok, but sadness, and everything else are not accepted. The service tech mentioned the “fog of mlc”. I know my mouth was wide open because this too I have read lots about - the fog can last for years. It’s so crazy to me that this is such a common theme and this guy mentioned it -without me even asking. I told him I read about this all the time and when they come out of the fog, they regret what they did, how they blew up their family and marriage. Men don’t even know they are going through a midlife crisis until they come out of the fog. I told him that I know the affair partner doesn’t really mean anything, just someone to do something with. He seemed to agree but I could tell he didn’t want to talk about that.

We also talked about unconditional love. I explained, “You have unconditional love for your children. If they screw up, get on drugs, you don’t abandon them. So why don’t we have the same kind of love for our husbands?” I mentioned how it made me mad that we have a “throw away” society which thinks you should just move on and find a new husband. It was an interesting “service” call. I’m sure the guy had no plans of talking about all of that with me. He did say, “I wish my wife would be more like you and understand. She’s so angry at me.” They were divorced because she got mad and filed but they still lived together because of financial reasons and the kids. I really wanted to tell him, “Have your wife come talk to me.” But didn’t feel like it was my place and his wife probably wouldn’t have liked him talking to me about all of that.

But it is amazing how often midlife crisis is so prevalent in our society and people don’t realize it. Recently I sent out an email to my long time customers of my other business. I explained how I was pausing that business for a bit because my heart was passionate about Standing Spouses. I was astounded by all of the heart felt replies I received. In addition I was also dumbfounded by all of the people who knew someone - their daughter, their sister, their friend who had gone through this.

This is why I’m doing what I’m doing. If I can save one marriage, then it’s all worth it. MLC is really something that’s not talked about and that’s why so many women and men are blindsided by it.

If you have a story or know of a story of people getting back together after MLC, please let me know. Those stories are rarely mentioned, yet they happen all the time. People get remarried to their spouse, or back together after a long separation, but it’s not talked about - it’s pushed under the rug, as it was such a horrible time and a blight on the marriage. But I love hearing those stories - from my hairdresser her grandparents went through this and remarried after 5 years, to my good friend whose husband’s parents remarried after going through this, or even my aunt who is sadly now deceased, they got back together after mlc. And I have even other family members have gone through this and are back together. There are good stories out there. You just always hear about the bad ones.Another thing I want to change.