Where do you want to be in 5-10 years?

I know, in 5-10 years, you want to be married to your husband. You want things back the way they were. But let’s think beyond that just for a minute.

Just listen to me. It’s super important that you don’t stay stuck in the muck of midlife crisis. Because it lasts for years. Yes, that’s right - years. There is no quick fix. I understand you can’t even see past today. Especially if you’re in the beginning and you just figured out he is going through a midlife crisis. That’s ok, let yourself grieve for awhile. Be kind to yourself. You can go in your cave, but just don’t camp out and live there - because at some point you have to stop spinning and ruminating about what he did to you. He actually didn’t do it to you - even though it feels like that. He did it to himself. You can’t let yourself be the victim and you have to get on with your life without him.

Yes, you are still holding space, you are not abandoning your marriage. That part stays the same. But you need to give yourself a big kick in the butt. You can’t remain still and stuck forever. It’s not good for you. And he doesn’t create your happiness, despite what you might believe. You create your own happiness. You are totally in charge of you. So what are you doing about your happiness - right now?

What’s your most important area of focus right now? - besides saving your marriage. (Believe me, I get it, that’s what I would answer too- but wrong!)

Is it your kids?

Is it you?

You have to focus on you right now. It’s like when you’re on the plane, you put your oxygen mask on first and then hook up your kids. If you aren’t working and focusing on you, nothing else will matter. Fill up your cup first. This is so hard. I know. But you are worth it and if you’re going to survive this crisis, you have to focus on you. Not him.

Think about 3 goals that you could work on now, that would have the biggest impact on your life and make the biggest difference in 5-10 years from now.

It could be anything from getting healthy and losing weight, finding a new passion that doesn’t include him, starting a business, building a new career or climbing higher in your current position. It could also be - being the best mom you can be. Whatever you think is best. Something you can throw energy and passion into.

When this happened to me, I was devastated, I couldn’t focus on anything for a few months. But eventually I realized I had to pull myself up and have my own back. I chose to focus on my food blog business. I even decided to write a book -The Power of Food Prep the year after he left. I put so much energy into it that it went #1 on Amazon internationally. I created a food membership as well. It helped. It made me focus on something else. Of course I still thought about him, I still do. But the point is, you have to stop obsessing about him every moment (manage your mind - I’ll be giving you tips for that later) and take care of you. You have to find things that fill you up with joy that don’t include him. And wouldn’t it be amazing in 5-10 years when he is home again, that you achieved that big goal all on your own?

Don’t beat yourself up if you have a hard time figuring out your 3 goals at first. And it could change. It’s ok to change your mind. I did. My mom passed away in May and suddenly my heart wasn’t into cooking anymore. So I’m taking a break from my other business for a while. My heart is passionate about helping women like you. Because this is tough - it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through but I figured it out, so now I want to help you. So believe me when I say, “I’ve been there.” I have so been there. It does get better. And here are my strong arms wrapping them around you. Because all you want is a big hug from your husband right now and you want him to say, “It’s ok baby, it’s all going to be ok.” It will be at some point, but my big virtual hug will have to do for now.

So back to the point of this blog, what are 3 goals you could work on now? Send me a message and let me know! I’d love to hear!