What is Standing?
Standing in reference to the midlife crisis, means “Standing for Your Marriage.” So many times when husbands go into a midlife crisis and begin an affair, the wife gets angry, pissed off, and immediately files for divorce. For me, that thought never crossed my mind - why? Because I knew something was really wrong with him. I saw it. I saw how hard he tried to fight it. I know he did everything in his power to avoid it. He told me all the negative thoughts that were constantly running through his head. And when he couldn’t figure it out, he made the decision to move out. He even said, “I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.” I told him, “Well you have tried everything else, maybe this is what you need. I’ll be there for you when you come back.” He said, “You may not want me when I come back.” I said, “No, I might not, but I think I will.”
Standing for your marriage is a personal thing. It’s not for everyone. It’s hard. So very hard. And it takes time. Lots of time. But honestly, looking back on it all, I would do it again. Why? Because I am a much better person for it. I’ll explain why in a later post. But here’s something to think about - You love your kids unconditionally. If they screw up, get into drugs, become an alcoholic, do you abandon them? No. Even if they kill someone, you don’t abandon them. You may not agree or like what they are doing, but you love them unconditionally. You may set boundaries with them but you will always love them. So why don’t you love your husband the same way? I do love my husband unconditionally. Yes we took vows. Yes he broke them. But does that mean we are perfect ourselves? No. We all have our faults. Midlife crisis isn’t about cheating on someone, it truly is a crisis-an identity crisis within the self. The affair is just a symptom, not the cause. If your husband is a serial cheater and has cheated on you throughout the marriage, then this is probably not a midlife crisis. But if you had a Boyscout husband, like I did for 25 years, who everyone never dreamed would do all of this, there’s a good chance that it is a midlife crisis. If your husband gets cancer, do you leave him? No. Just food for thought.
Standing doesn’t mean “waiting,” contrary to what people think it means. It means holding space, working on yourself, moving forward with your life. More to come in a later post.
What does “Standing for your marriage,” mean to you? Let me know in our private group!