Your Journey Through Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis is Your Journey
Have you ever felt like you’re hiking a trail you didn’t sign up for? You thought you knew how this hike of life would go and then suddenly there’s a huge mountain in front of you. Your husband’s midlife crisis can feel like that—steep, unmarked, and full of unexpected twists. You didn’t choose this path, but here’s the truth: while his journey is his own, how you navigate your trail is entirely up to you. Your journey through your husband’s midlife crisis is your journey alone.
Don’t Let Fear Take Over
While there are so many similarities between husbands in midlife crisis (I mean really they all do and say very similar things!), each of their journeys is unique. You may read stories on the mlc groups, “her” husband has had multiple affair partners, “her” husband pushed for divorce, “her” husband won’t have anything to do with the kids, “her” husband got his affair partner pregnant, you might begin to wonder if this is what your husband will do too.
All of these negative stories can really start to stress you out. Just because one husband did it, doesn’t mean your husband will too. We need to be careful not to get so caught up in other people’s stories. This can lead to fear based thinking which can spiral into a million different negative thoughts if you let it.
What to Do: Don’t Compare Your Journey with Another Wife’s Journey
It’s tempting to compare your journey to the wife whose husband is home. “Well her husband came home in 2 years and now they are happily married again.” Just because it’s been 2 years, doesn’t mean yours will come home on that timeline. Just because her husband filed for divorce, doesn’t mean yours will file or actually even go through with it. (Many file and then do nothing.) Her journey with this is hers and your journey with your husband is yours.
Why is this important to remember?
Because so many times we can get caught up in other’s happy endings and start comparing and think:
“Mine says he’s never coming back.” (FYI - they all say that)
“Mine isn’t home yet.” (FYI - it takes a long time)
“Mine will never come home.” (FYI - that’s your thought about it)
“My husband divorced me - he’s never coming back.” (FYI - that’s also your thought about it, many come out of the crisis and remarry their wives)
etc, etc, etc (the list goes on and on - be careful about your thoughts - they aren’t facts, they are opinions)
Don’t compare your middle of the journey to someone else’s end
We start comparing our beginnings and our middles with other womens’ ends of the mlc journey. You can’t do that. The majority of men in midlife crisis say, “I’m never coming back,” they are in the thick of the crisis - of course that’s how they feel. They don’t believe they are ever coming back - at the time when they say it.
Husbands in midlife crisis do not come out of the crisis until they are ready. There is no “set” time for them to finish this journey. So many factors play into this. Factors like:
how long they stay with the affair partner (it can be years)
what other “crisis” they have going on in their life - death of a parent, child etc
if they had childhood trauma
if they get help
how long it takes for them to feel like “themselves” again
The factors are endless. But the main thing to remember is that Nothing brings them home really until they are ready to emerge. They do it in their own time, not your time line and not because someone else’s husband came home in 3 years.
You as the left behind spouse have no control of that. There are things you can do to push them away and make them never come home, but you are not in control of when they come home.
So what can you do?
Work on yourself - if you have wanted to start working out, do it! Work on your mind as well - Read Attitudes of Gratitude it will give you a new perspective.
Educate yourself (read: Male Midlife Crisis - Why It Causes Men to Destroy Their Families, Finances and Even Commit Suicide, and What You Should Do )
Learn a new language
Take a trip by yourself - this may sound scary - but I promise it’s liberating!
Find a new hobby (yoga, creative writing, painting)
Go after that promotion -Even if it feels scary, taking small steps toward your dreams builds confidence and purpose.
Go after that dream you have been thinking about but never really put forth the effort because you didn’t have time.
Don’t wait on him.
You are in control of your own happiness, not him. This doesn’t mean you aren’t still standing for your marriage, this just means you are taking full responsibility for your happiness and your life.
How do you do this? What are the steps?
First it’s important to find a community of women who understand what you are going through. Check out our private FB community
Learn how to manage your emotions, prioritize real self-care (not just pedicures), and trust yourself, even when others around you don’t like your choices - like standing for your marriage. It’s none of their business.
Don’t lose hope! And know it is possible to find happiness and love again even after experiencing heartbreak (with your husband or another if you decide to move on).
By the time your journey through your husband’s midlife crisis is over, you will be fine whether he comes home or not. I know it may sound strange now, but really you get to a point where you are in love with yourself so much, you have found your own happiness and purpose that him coming home is just “icing” on the cake. So go live your life! Don’t wait for him!
Check out our private FB community where you can find like minded women going through this journey.
( FYI: I do receive a small commission if you purchase any of the books on Amazon.)